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Aug 12, 2008 5:44 pm US/Central
21 Ways How To Handle Rejection
Deanna Frazier, Attraction Expert
1. One of the main reasons people are uncomfortable with dating and reaching out socially is the fear of rejection, but it's a mistake to look at it this way.
2. As you search for a partner, you are going to spend a fair bit of time dating, and because the search is a numbers game, you will likely experience what you may choose to label as rejection. You will also reject people.
3. Rejection is a course correction on your path to success, and instead of inspiring you to self-pity, it should inspire self-examination: "What did I learn?" you should ask yourself. And "What will I do differently next time?"
4. If you don't welcome rejection, you'll continue treading the same unconscious feedback loop: Make a move, get a response and react without thinking. Ask the wrong kind of person on a date, get rejected and feel rotten.
5. People who do the same thing over and over and expect different results are setting themselves up for disappointment.
6. If you keep on approaching or falling for the wrong kind of guy or gal, it's not because you have some huge psychological problem or that there's something wrong with you; it's because you aren't stopping to process the feedback that each failure is providing.
7. Look back on your old relationships and see if you can detect a pattern that you continually play out. Hopefully, you'll see where you go wrong, and you can use that information to recognize and understand the warning signals in the future.
8. That's what a client of mine who we will call Maryanne did when she finally figured out she'd been falling for jerks for so long that she'd forgotten how to recognize the good guys.
9. Once she broke free of the loop, she found her partner and lived happily ever after.
10. So as you go out and start meeting all these new people, what are you going to do when you get rejected?
11. Handling rejection requires an immediate adjustment in attitude.
12. If a person doesn't return your interest, that's not a cue to give up and get depressed, it's a call to move on!
13. If you were an apple picker and you came upon a tree with no apples on its branches, would you take it personally and feel hurt and sorry for yourself? Of course not! You would just admit that there was nothing there for you and move on to the next tree.
14. Feeling sorry for yourself means you've lost sight of your goal.
15. Most people will let you know they're not interested in a diplomatic way, but you'll probably meet some rude and ungracious characters along the way, too.
16. When you do, just excuse yourself politely and give thanks that you found out what kind of person he or she was relatively quickly, before you got more deeply involved.
17. Ideally, the rejection/selection process would be painless, but you'll probably get your feelings bruised once or twice.
18. Its human nature to feel bad in situations like this -- but don't. Instead, you have to welcome rejection/selection as part of the exploration, the journey, the adventure.
19. Understanding the principle that there's no rejection, only selection, means if you're on a date and things aren't clicking, it's not anybody's fault.
20. It has nothing to do with you as an individual; it's not personal. It just means you and your date are not complementary psychological types.
21. So, enjoy your time together, be yourself, remain polite and gracious. At the end, say thanks and goodbye and move onto someone else -- or remain friends, because friends will enlarge your social circle and enrich your life.
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
---Dolly Parton
For more information go to
DeannaFrazier.com or contact Dee at
Dee@DeannaFrazier.com.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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