Fuel For Thought

If you're going to try online dating, here are ways that women can get more high-quality matches through this new dating medium.

SELECT THE RIGHT SITE FOR YOU: You may have to try different site in order to find one that is best suited for you. That has a lot to do with your age, body type, religion and objective in dating.

The more mass-market online sites like Match.com are going to be best for younger, better-looking women. Ask around and experiment until you find one that works well for you.

YOUR PICTURES ARE THE BIGGEST FACTOR: There is an ancient Chinese saying that reads, "A picture is worth a thousand words." This is particularly true when it comes to online dating and appealing to men.

Most sites allow you to post several different photos of yourself. So take at least 100 photos of yourself so that you can find the best 4 or 5 to post on the site. You can have one that is more sexy, but tasteful. And your other ones can be catching you looking your best in an activity, professional attire, or just having fun.

Even if you don't have the popular "skinny" body type, don't fret. There are men who like different types of female body types and if they are interested they get in touch with you.

WRITE A POSITIVE (SHORT AND SWEET) ESSAY: Write a short and sweet essay about the essence of who you are. It doesn't have to be too literary unless you're trying to appeal to the literary type man.

But most of all keep the tone of your message positive, enthusiastic, playful, and fun. Don't dwell on past relationships and don't highlight your negative qualities. Those things will reveal themselves naturally over time.

TELL THE TRUTH: You don't have to say everything about you that is true, but the things that you do mention should/must be accurate. If you want to go into any kind of relationship for the long-term, establishing an honest code of conduct is essential. You can't demand that of the man if you're not being honest yourself.

CREATE AN INTRIGUING SCREEN NAME: In order to protect your privacy, online dating ads let you create a short headline above your photo that describes something about you.

To help you make the most of this undervalued feature, here are some key points to remember about creating a good screen name:

1. Look at what others cleverly use and put your own twist to it.
2. Highlight your most alluring feature like "BabyBlueEyes" or "BeachBlonde."
3. Avoid bland names like "susie2001" or "NiceGirl2" or "CityCatLover."
4. Avoid being too direct like "MarryMeNow" or "WifeMaterial."

CREATE A MALE-FRIENDLY BIO: In the field on communications, a fundamental principle is "the meaning of your communication is the response you get and not your intention." A savvy Internet dater can interpret this to mean that it doesn't matter how sophisticated your ad reads, what matters is if quality men respond.

With that in mind, here are some ideas on making your ad more male-friendly:

1. Avoid sounding too romantic, dreamy, or silly.
2. Avoid being negative, cynical, or sarcastic.
3. Be brief, sweet, and fun.
4. Let them know what people like about you.
5. If you're a "hottie" say so. It's not bragging if it's true.
6. Avoid shrinking your audience by listing common non-male interests like cats, sunsets, shopping, candlelight dinners, the theater, etc.

WRITE A CLEAR STATEMENT OF WHAT YOU WANT: The Bible says, "Ask and ye shall receive." In the world of Internet dating, make sure that you ask intelligently or else you may get more of what you don't want instead.

Here are some pointers on how to do a better job in this area of asking for what you want in a mate:

1. Ask for honesty.
2. Ask for a chance to get to know each other.
3. Ask for a good match for both partners.
4. Ask for kindness and respect.
5. Don't ask for your fantasy in the online ad.

DON'T BE TOO PICKY: Your profile will usually state essential facts about yourself. Most men will gather what it is that you want. But being subtle doesn't always work with men. Sometimes you have to spell it out like "N-O- D-R-U-G-S" or "N-O S-M-O-K-E-R-S."

Whatever you do, don't spend too much time being picky or else men won't bother unless your photos are a real knockout. Besides, you'll have plenty of time to get to the fine points during further contacts over time.

ADJUST YOUR AD BASED ON WHAT YOU DO AND DON'T GET: You should be constantly taking new photos of yourself so that you can put up new ones over time. The tough part about a woman getting honest feedback is that is has to come from the male perspective of an online dater. Many women don't have such a person to turn to for feedback.

The best you can do is to adjust your photos and your essay in order to get a different number of responses from a different cross-section of men.

CHANGE SITES: If you aren't getting very many responses after a reasonable period of time (4-6months), then maybe you need to try a different site. Nowadays there are so many online dating sites to choose from that remaining in one that doesn't work for you that makes no sense at all.


THE BOTTOM LINE: Online dating is nothing more than a new way to make an introduction. Make only smart moves and avoid the dumb ones in order to keep yourself on the path to love. You never know if the next person is the one for you. And in the game of love, it only takes one to become a winner for life.

Good luck and enjoy your journey!

(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

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