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Oct 20, 2008 10:15 pm US/Central
Is Your Personality Causing Relationship Troubles?
(Best Life Magazine, May 2008)
It's long been said that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus." But problems in relationships may have less to do with gender, and more to do with personality. It may all revolve around what type of personality you have.
Couples promise for richer or poorer, but a wedding vow also includes the unspoken promise of "I'll put up with you."
"In the beginning, many times in a relationship we like the fact that they're different, but slowly over time, then it starts to get irritating and we want to change them. And of course, they're not going to change," explains Brian Klemmer, an author and self-proclaimed relationship expert. According to Klemmer, there are four basic personality types:
1) The Controller: A person who is results-oriented and wants to be in charge.
2) The Supporter: Someone who is very accepting and who finds it hard to say no.
3) The Analyst: Someone who likes structure; is motivated by reason and logic.
4) The Promoter: An outgoing person who is spontaneous.
"If we had a promoter wife and we had an analytic husband, the husband is very meticulous, precise structured, and if the wife says 'Hey, let's go to dinner tonight', that might irritate him because it's last minute. They like structure," Klemmer explains.
By determining your personality type and that of your partner, Klemmer says you can avoid conflict.
"One of the things that it does is it causes us to accept each other, rather than try and make each other into what we are," Klemmer said.
Also helping you communicate and compromise.
"The bottom line is we respect each other and I think that is the key," Ray Sweetland says referring to his significant other.
The same goes for Cathleen and Bob Armstrong. They still enjoy being together after 43 years of marriage.
How do they do it?
"Cooperation, understanding, and a lot of give," Cathleen said.
And that is good advice, no matter what your personality type is.
So What Type Are You?
Are you formal or informal?
Are you dominant or easygoing?
If you're formal and dominant - you're a controller.
Results oriented, can be seen as abrupt, wants to be in control.
If you're formal and easygoing - you're an analyst.
Seeks structure, methodical, motivated by reason and logic.
If you're informal and dominant - you're a promoter.
Outgoing, bored with stats, energetic, can be scattered, spontaneous.
If you're easygoing and informal - you're a supporter.
Informal style, motivated by friendship, finds it hard to say no, accepting.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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